Kelley M - Eugene, OR
 
Hello my name is Kelley and I am 37 years old.  I grew up in Eastern Oregon in a small town called Umatilla. In a sense it was a little town with a big truck stop where drugs were in abundance.  What little I remember about my childhood was that I lived by a wild life refuge out in the desert by the Columbia River. My back yard seemed endless and the things that I mostly played with were snakes, skunks, army ants, green army men, and firecrackers. Smashing 22 shells with rocks was another one of my favorite past times. As one might guess, I didn’t really have much parental supervision and wasn’t afraid of much. I could count on both hands how many times I spent with my actual birth father.  My father and his three brothers were mentally and physically abused and they were a really tough bunch.  All of my uncles have been in prison for drug dealing, murder, and/or extortion.  My father was in prison for armed robbery.  I was about a year old when he went to prison and my mother divorced him.
By the age of 12, I started smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and I smoked weed for the first time when I was 13.  At a very young age I learned  how to hide it well.  I smoked before school, during lunch and many times after school.  Being high took the edge off my anger of not having a father.  At age 14 I got introduced to crank (speed) by one of my uncles. When I started doing drugs I started meeting people that knew my dad’s side of the family.  People would say that they respected my father and my uncles, but I knew different… they feared them.  My mother’s dysfunctional side of the family had a history of drinking.
 
 Around the age of 23, I met this wonderful girl named Becky.  It seemed like we were a couple instantly.  I was doing drugs off and on when she got pregnant and we had a son, Devvon,.  I tried to quit but I let my years of suppressing my emotions take authority over my flesh.  Every time I would try to quit I would gain a lot of weight and I became severally depressed, so I always ended up returning to the drugs and each time I returned, my use of meth escalated. When we were expecting our daughter, Kayle, we decided to move to San Diego and I immediately searched out where to get meth.  During our time there Satan set a big fish hook in me.  I was chasing that high on the night when my wife went into labor alone.  Because of my selfish addiction, I abandoned her when she absolutely needed me the most.   I ended up missing my own daughter’s birth, which is a terrible thing that I will always regret.
When we moved back to Oregon my addiction never left my side.  I tried earnestly to hide my uncontrollable desire to use meth  from my wife throughout our whole marriage.  We went to Christian marriage counseling, but it seemed like nothing was helping us with our growing problems and yet I know it was because I was listening to my other love... Addiction (the sinful deceiver). Romans 7:17-20, “But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.”
 
While under the influence of meth I wouldn’t sleep for weeks at a time and it was during this time that I resorted to criminal acts and behavior to support my addiction.  When I was 34 my criminal acts caught up with me. The moment came when I had to tell my family I was going to be gone for more than a year.  I can say that I had never felt so much emotional pain, not just for my loss, but for the pain I’d caused my wife and children.  However, even when drowning in my pain it couldn’t stop me from using meth to suppress the tremendous guilt and regret.  I hated everything that was happening... around me and within me.  It was then that I cried out to Jesus, “If you are who you are, then please deliver me from myself for I hate who I have become and I don’t want to live any more.”
 
 Within six hours of that prayer I was surrounded by the police.  Like many times before I started to run and get away, then all of a sudden I felt so heavy as if a hand had pressed down on me.  Somewhere from within me I heard, “Do you really want what you have asked?  Then stop... and face your problems.”  I turned and ran toward the police.  They drew their guns and told me to stop and get on the ground with a very confused look on their faces.  One of the police officers that I have seen many times before was shaking his head and said “What was that about?  You know you could have been shot.”  I said, “Yea I know, I just want out.  I’m not who I’m suppose to be anymore.  Everything’s gone.”  I went to jail October 28, 2006.  That was the last day I did meth.
 As I was going to court, my lawyer asked how I wanted to plead my cases and I asked him, “Do you know what makes a man dangerous?  It’s where you have no hope.  The regret from very poor choices that you’ve made have consequences and you don’t want to suffer.  With that pain comes bitterness, and when you are bitter you develop a sense of no fear because you have nothing to loose.”  At that single moment in time I realized, and will never forget that I had been wasting my life, the life God has so graciously given me.  I told my lawyer, “Have them throw the book at me.” 
 
When I went to court the judge wanted to know why I was pleading guilty on 4 felony charges.  I said, “ Because its the truth.”  He asked me “ Mr. Montigue, are you trying to punish yourself?”  I said, “Yes, your honor, I am.”   When I got back to my jail cell I thought about what I had cried out to God in that prayer and realized all of this couldn’t have been simply a coincidence.  “Is this what it’s really going to take for me to be delivered from drugs and myself?”  It certainly wasn’t where I wanted to be, but God had a different plan and the self-destruction within finally had subsided.  Time spent behind bars is lonely and makes you think deeply in ways you never had before.
 
 What I desired the most in my life was to have a family but due to my sinfulness, the inevitable happened.  My wife filed for a divorce.  That was when I knew that I was being severed, cut off from the only thing I really wanted.  I begged God to stop it, but I realized that it was I who had ruined our family and I was finally serious enough to change, but it was too late as I followed my dad’s footsteps. 
 
I faced 7 years but was given 14 months with a year of parole to follow.  A stipulation of my parole was that I must complete six months of out patient treatment at Bridge Way Drug Treatment Center, which is a place that costs quite a bit of money monthly.  They put me in the slot program where I call in every Tuesday to try to get a slot, yet I just couldn’t get in.  My parole ended September 24, 2008 before I got into treatment.  Now I am beginning to see that God saved me from going in there and He had a plan for a much different program…His program!  Freedom House!  I came to know about Freedom House from my former wife’s boss, Tim Nashiff.  He asked me if I would give thought to a year program to help me move forward and really change my life.  I came up with a bunch of flimsy questions… which were really just a bunch of excuses as to why I couldn’t do it.  Then I remembered what I had read right before I got out of prison.  Luke 11:10 says, “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”  I finally made the decision to trust God and to go, because I really wanted to know what this life is for.
 
I’ve learned so much in the short period of time of being at Freedom House.  I have learned you have got to look at your thinking and what influences your thinking because everything that’s going on in your life can be traced back to how you think.  James 4:7 says, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”  I am so grateful for being here, because even when I wasn’t sure about God, inside I knew that I was MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING HUGE and now I know what it is!  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.  From this day forward I will give you all my praise!  I also want to thank  those who care about someone like me and provide Freedom House with financial support and prayers.  Without them, I wouldn’t have found what I’ve been searching for all my life.  Jesus!

                                                                          Praising Him Forever,  Kelley M

 
Kelley successfully completed his one-year commitment to
Freedom House Ministries Program
on November 20, 2009 becoming Graduate #15
 
 
       
 
 
 
            
 
 
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